Are You a Commitment Phobe?

Bookmark Article

Do you always have one foot out the door? 

Do you feel like you never really “connect” with your significant other?

Are you always second-guessing yourself or your relationship? 

There are lots of reasons why people are afraid of commitment. It can be fear of making the wrong choice, not being able to change your mind, the feeling of being stuck with something or someone forever. Whatever your fears may be they can be helpful and healthy…to a point. 

It’s incredibly difficult and sometimes daunting task to fully commit to something.  While we often think about commitment issues in romantic relationships it can be far more pervasive than that, fear of commitment can range from picking a restaurant for dinner to deciding to adopt a pet. 

Some apprehension and fear is appropriate when you are making bigger decisions. These feelings help to slow down the decision making process and force you to think them through fully.  When fears start to keep us stuck in the decision making process unable to make a decisions or afraid to move forward with a decision it can be something that deserves attention.  

If you find yourself in this scenario frequently you may be struggling with commitment, and if you want to do something about that and start taking some action you can.  In a perfect world you could just tell yourself to start making decisions, sticking to them, and move on forward. That may work for some, unfortunately for many that “simple” change is not so simple. 

Especially when larger decisions/commitments are on the horizon, just doing it doesn’t always work.  That can be an incredibly stressful position to put yourself in and can cause intense feelings of anxiousness and other emotions.  

So it’s important to understand your fears of commitment and find ways to cope with them and work through them.  

Identify your fears

First and foremost it’s necessary to identify the things that you’re afraid of in commitment.  This isn’t an easy task for many as these fears have been primary motivators for some time and probably feel engrained in you. 

Even though they may be second nature, to change your fears you must know what they are so you can find ways of coping with them. Again there may be many reasons why you may fear commitment, and you’re the only who can identify what those are. 

Practice on the small stuff

Typically for people who afraid of commitment it’s not just with one particular issue, so practice coping with your fears on the smaller stuff. Such as the next time you’re planning a weekend getaway, deciding on which outfit to wear to the company party, or where to take you next date. 

Take these opportunities that may not be as challenging to acknowledge when your fears come up and work on finding ways to help manage or eradicate them.  Whether it be with meditation to bring the feelings of fear or anxiety down, a mantra to help yourself remember that your fears may be irrational, or something else altogether, having a plan to deal with the experience is necessary.

Hold yourself accountable

If you don’t stick to your plan of making a change (yes make a commitment to it) nothing will happen. So talk to someone about your changes or come up with a plan to get some support.  It’s easiest to have someone close to you keep you accountable to your plan when they see you slipping or when you find yourself slipping you have someone to talk with about it.  

If you’re struggling to come up with ways to work through you fears of commitment, your EAP has counselors available 24 hours a day to help you come up with a plan to support you through making a change however big or small.