Domestic Dilemmas

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In this article we will look at some of the conflicts that many couples and families experience around couples and families.

Managing Money

Holding differing opinions on. what to spend money on, how much to spend, how much to save, and how "disposable" income is divided up amongst partners can create conflict nearly every time a decision regarding money needs to be made. When differences prevail, partners may regularly criticize each other about spending habits or go out of their way to keep spending secrets from one another.

Productive strategies. To minimize differences, it can be helpful to set priorities through planning in advance how money will be managed. A clearly outlined budget is an excellent tool for pre-determining what, when, how, and why money will be handled, and by whom it will be handled by. For those who find the notion of a budget "too restrictive," defining some guiding principles or rules can lessen the likelihood of conflict. Guidelines need to be developed in response to the unique struggles a couple is experiencing. Some examples of guidelines are—one partner manages expenses related to household repairs while another manages insurance needs; major purchases over "X" dollars will be discussed and mutually decided upon; "X" dollars per month are available to each partner for "no questions asked" purchases.

Seeking assistance. Resolving money matters is not a straightforward task for most couples. Seeking professional assistance can pave the way for establishing a framework for effectively handling money conflicts when they arise. A counselor can assist couples by helping them clarify their individual values and beliefs regarding what money means to them, and how these beliefs are underlying their struggles. A financial counselor has the specialized expertise to provide couples with a range of practical money management solutions that they may not arrive at on their own.

Raising Children

Child rearing presents parents and caregivers with both significant rewards, and sometimes overwhelming challenges at each stage of a child's development. With children getting into their own battles and competing for parental attention, family life can often feel stressful and chaotic. Demands of work, financial pressures, and trying to keep up with household tasks often heighten the stress of parenting.

When parents hold different parenting views, such as the common situation where one parent is seen as too easy going and the other as "too strict and rule bound;" conflict will often occur.

Productive strategies. It is not necessary that parents or caregivers always agree on how to manage every parenting situation, however, it can be very helpful to discuss and agree upon some basic rules and expectations of children. When situations arise that are not addressed by the rules, it is helpful to focus on coming up with a solution geared at serving the best interests of the child. Giving children a unified solution on a given situation will minimize confusion for the child and the opportunity for conflict between parents.

Seeking assistance. Parenting challenges and family problems are inescapable. Most often, families are able to resolve day to day challenges and are stronger and closer as a result. However, when a family problem persists, or when efforts to resolve the problem are not getting the desired results, families are encouraged to seek the assistance of a professional counselor. Counselors deal with a wide range of family and parenting issues and can assist by helping a family explore practical strategies for resolving problems. They can also assist by identifying community resources such as parenting classes and support groups. 

Should family or couple problems of any sort escalate to the point where violence ensues, families are urged to seek professional assistance as early as possible as the likelihood of reoccurrence is high when alternative problem solving strategies are not available. 

Domestic Violence