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Birth order and personality
Every child is a unique individual. However, there are a number of factors that influence our personalities. These factors include:
First-born and only children
Our first child is an absolute wonder. He or she receives constant and usually undivided attention. First-borns spend at least the first year of their lives (and often much more), being the centre of attention. It is therefore no surprise that many first-borns can exude an air of entitlement or superiority. The two key reasons for this attitude are Mom and Dad! New parents can be overly attentive, protective, anxious and even demanding of the first child. This influence can lead the oldest siblings to be conscientious leaders who pay great attention to detail and need to be in control.
As the oldest child, first-borns are often called on to do more chores and look after their younger siblings. This instils a sense of leadership and responsibility in these children which leads to first-borns becoming either aggressive "movers and shakers" or compliant nurturers.
Characteristics of first-born children:
After the birth of the second child, the parents' time and attention is now shared between the new baby and the first-born. In fact, studies show that middle children realize very early on that they cannot expect their parent's full attention. They learn about compromise, negotiation and how to "roll with the punches."
When other siblings arrive, middle children become "in-betweeners" who often feel left out or invisible. They have neither the status of the oldest (leader) or the youngest (baby). To attract their parents' attention, middle children often try to succeed doing things that their older siblings do not. Since they may feel they don't fit in the family, or feel they are invisible, middle children often make many meaningful friendships. They feel comfortable in their peer group and can earn the status they seek.
Characteristics of middle children:
As the youngest, last-born children always live in the shadows of their older siblings. They are always aware that they are the smallest, less experienced members of the family. However, this can often instill an attitude of "I'll show them" in many last-borns, who are often rebellious risk-takers who challenge authority and the status quo.
Since the youngest is often taught by and spends most of their time with their older siblings, the baby of the family tends to develop great people skills. Many last-born children become outgoing adults who love to talk and entertain and are great motivators. However, since they grow up surrounded by older siblings who help them learn and make decisions, they can often be unsure of their own decision-making skills and opinions. This can leave them feeling insecure and afraid of rejection.
Characteristics of last-born children:
Regardless of the birth order, parents should ensure that each child is valued and praised for their uniqueness. Although parents have many demands on their time and attention, it is important that all children are made to feel comfortable with their role and place in the family.
- The child's physical health and appearance
- The sex of the child and gender roles
- The family's socio-economic situation
- The relationship between parents
- The number of children and the spacing or years between siblings
- Birth order
First-born and only children
Our first child is an absolute wonder. He or she receives constant and usually undivided attention. First-borns spend at least the first year of their lives (and often much more), being the centre of attention. It is therefore no surprise that many first-borns can exude an air of entitlement or superiority. The two key reasons for this attitude are Mom and Dad! New parents can be overly attentive, protective, anxious and even demanding of the first child. This influence can lead the oldest siblings to be conscientious leaders who pay great attention to detail and need to be in control.
As the oldest child, first-borns are often called on to do more chores and look after their younger siblings. This instils a sense of leadership and responsibility in these children which leads to first-borns becoming either aggressive "movers and shakers" or compliant nurturers.
Characteristics of first-born children:
- Precise, detail-oriented and organized
- Serious and earnest
- Reliable, responsible
- Perfectionists
- Goal-setters and high achievers
- They don't like surprises
After the birth of the second child, the parents' time and attention is now shared between the new baby and the first-born. In fact, studies show that middle children realize very early on that they cannot expect their parent's full attention. They learn about compromise, negotiation and how to "roll with the punches."
When other siblings arrive, middle children become "in-betweeners" who often feel left out or invisible. They have neither the status of the oldest (leader) or the youngest (baby). To attract their parents' attention, middle children often try to succeed doing things that their older siblings do not. Since they may feel they don't fit in the family, or feel they are invisible, middle children often make many meaningful friendships. They feel comfortable in their peer group and can earn the status they seek.
Characteristics of middle children:
- Balanced, calm, avoiding confrontation
- Flexible
- Negotiator
- Co-operator
- Generous
- Social
- Competitive
As the youngest, last-born children always live in the shadows of their older siblings. They are always aware that they are the smallest, less experienced members of the family. However, this can often instill an attitude of "I'll show them" in many last-borns, who are often rebellious risk-takers who challenge authority and the status quo.
Since the youngest is often taught by and spends most of their time with their older siblings, the baby of the family tends to develop great people skills. Many last-born children become outgoing adults who love to talk and entertain and are great motivators. However, since they grow up surrounded by older siblings who help them learn and make decisions, they can often be unsure of their own decision-making skills and opinions. This can leave them feeling insecure and afraid of rejection.
Characteristics of last-born children:
- Outgoing, people-oriented
- Rebellious risk-takers
- Affectionate
- Critical
- Temperamental
- Impatient
- Creative, idea people
- Humorous
Regardless of the birth order, parents should ensure that each child is valued and praised for their uniqueness. Although parents have many demands on their time and attention, it is important that all children are made to feel comfortable with their role and place in the family.
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